Feature photo by Amin Mlk on Unsplash

At the heart of many contemporary therapeutic and developmental approaches is a simple but profound question: What happens to us when we leave our authentic self?

In the HEART Program developed by Alex Howard, this question is explored through the lens of three self-states—the collapsed self, the idealised self, and the authentic self—and three layers of attention: mind, heart, and body.

Together, they offer a unique way to understand not only individual suffering, but also many of the relational and leadership challenges we see in farming communities, governance groups, and rural systems under pressure.

The collapsed self – shutdown

The collapsed self emerges when life feels overwhelming, unsafe, or too much to process. It is characterised by shutdown, withdrawal, exhaustion, sense of hopelessness, or emotional numbness.

In this state, a person is no longer fully present. Instead, the system conserves energy and reduces feeling. It is a protective response—but one that can become chronic, especially in high-pressure environments.

In farming contexts, the collapsed self is often seen after long periods of drought, debt stress, family strain, or repeated exposure to uncertainty. It can show up as disengagement in meetings, silence in community forums, or a quiet sense of “what’s the point?”

The idealised self – over functioning

The idealised self is the version of us that tries to meet expectations—of family, community, industry, or ourselves. It is driven by performance, competence, and control.

This self often says:

  • “I should be coping better”
  • “I need to have the answers”
  • “I must not let people down”

In rural leadership and governance, the idealised self can look like over-functioning: taking responsibility for everything, avoiding vulnerability, or projecting certainty even when uncertainty is high. While this self can be highly effective in short bursts, over time it creates fatigue, disconnection, and relational distance.

The authentic self – embodied

The authentic self is not a performance or a collapse. It is the integrated state where we are in contact with what is actually happening—emotionally, physically, and relationally.

In the HEART model, authenticity is not primarily a cognitive achievement. It is a felt sense of being in the body, where awareness is grounded rather than abstracted.

This is where we are most alive, most responsive, and most capable of relational intelligence.

Three layers of attention: mind, heart, and body

A key insight in this approach is that human beings can locate their attention in three primary layers:

  • Mind: thinking, analysis, story-making, planning
  • Heart: emotional awareness, empathy, connection, relational sensing
  • Body: direct sensory experience, intuition, somatic truth, nervous system state

When we are disconnected, we often over-rely on the mind. We try to think our way to an emotion, rather than feeling it. We explain instead of experience. We analyse instead of sense.

The authentic self, however, is most reliably accessed through the body. Not as an escape from thought or feeling, but as the ground from which both arise.

How we disconnect: adaptive strategies that become patterns

When emotional intensity becomes too difficult to hold, humans develop strategies of disconnection. These are not failures—they are adaptations. But over time, they can become limiting patterns.

Common forms include:

1. Emotional avoidance and distraction

Staying busy, scrolling, working, fixing, or constantly moving away from internal experience.

2. State changing

Using substances or stimulation (including alcohol, food, or overwork) to shift internal states quickly rather than feel them.

3. Overthinking and analysis

Living primarily in the mind to avoid the uncertainty of feeling. This is especially common in leadership roles where “being smart” is rewarded.

4. Blaming or externalising

Locating distress outside oneself—others, systems, weather, markets—rather than staying with internal experience long enough to understand it.

5. Merging with others

Losing internal clarity by over-attuning to others’ needs, expectations, or emotions, often at the expense of self-awareness.

6. Somatisation

When emotion is not processed psychologically or relationally, it often expresses or manifests in the body: headaches, stomach pain, fatigue, tension, or illness.

In farming communities, where endurance and practicality are highly valued, these patterns are often normalised as “just getting on with it,” even when the body is signalling distress.

Farming, land, and the nervous system

Farming is not only an economic activity—it is a deeply embodied way of living. Farmers work with weather systems, ecological cycles, financial volatility, and intergenerational responsibility. This creates a constant interface between control and uncertainty.

When the nervous system is under chronic pressure, the tendency is to move into either collapse (shutdown) or idealisation (over-functioning). Both reduce presence.

Yet the land itself does not respond to ideology or performance. It responds to attunement—to presence, observation, and timing. In this way, the land quietly calls leadership back into the body.

A farmer making decisions from the authentic self is not free from stress—rather they are in contact with it. They can feel fatigue without becoming diminished, responsibility without inflation, and uncertainty without avoidance.

Community leadership and governance: the cost of disconnection

In committees, boards, and regional governance structures, these same dynamics play out collectively.

  • The collapsed self appears as disengagement, silence, or quiet resignation.
  • The idealised self shows up as certainty, control, and performative confidence.
  • The authentic self is often the least visible—but the most needed.

When groups operate primarily from mind-based processing, they can become stuck in analysis, debate, and positional thinking. Emotional undercurrents remain unspoken, and somatic signals—fatigue, tension, frustration—are ignored.

This is where leadership becomes not just strategic, but somatic. The capacity to notice what is happening in one’s body during disagreement, uncertainty, or pressure becomes essential governance intelligence.

Returning to the body: the practice of authenticity

The invitation in the HEART framework is not to “fix” the self, but to re-inhabit it.

This involves:

  • noticing physical sensation before creating story
  • feeling emotion without immediately interpreting it
  • recognising when attention has moved into overthinking
  • pausing long enough for the nervous system to settle
  • allowing decisions to emerge from embodied clarity rather than cognitive urgency

This is not a withdrawal from leadership. It is a return to a deeper form of it.

Closing reflection

In farming systems and community governance alike, we often reward speed, certainty, and intellectual control. Yet the most sustainable form of leadership may be something quieter: the capacity to stay present to the body, even when the mind wants to escape.

The collapsed self asks us to stop.

The idealised self asks us to perform.

The authentic self asks us to feel.

And in that feeling—grounded in the body—there is not only personal coherence, but the possibility of wiser decisions for land, community, and future generations.